pergi....

sesuatu perkara yang membuat aku mengelamun panjang...mati, selama ini yang aku dengar, yang aku baca; hanya tentang bagaimana untuk menikmati hidup....sekadar menghargai hidup yang rata-rata fikir pendek-di dogmakan sebagai terlalu singkat ..bagi aku, hidup itu pendek saat ajal dekat dengan nyawa...selainnya, hidup itu terlalu panjang dan masih tetap manusia bazirkan...tak perlu pergi jauh, diriku sendiri...tak banyak menyumbang kepada manusia yang lain..untuk berbuat baik pada manusia yang lain pun berkali-kali menimbang,mencari rasional padahal itu semua nafsu dan ego semata-mata...aku rasa malu bila memikirkan kebaikan yang aku terlepas dari melakukan kerna sifat manusia aku yang cepat menyerah..alangkah ruginya walau ianya kecil, ganjaran dariNya tak kita ketahui...hari ini, seseorang yang pertama kali aku ketahui terbujur kaku disisi jalan...hanya dilitupi kain tapi kakinya masih jelas dalam ingatanku...kaku, lesu dan pucat; aku terfikir...itukah mati? walau wajahnya tak kelihatan, hatiku merasa sayu...bukan sedih tapi kematian itu membuatkan aku terfikir, bahwa mati itu juga suatu perjalanan lagi...berbeza dengan jalan-jalan di dunia yang kita tempuhi...aku berfikir lagi,apakah kematian itu bakal melibatkan emosi?masihkah sempat untuk aku merasa? mungkin mati itu hanya perhentian tetapi bukan destinasi terakhir,pastinya...

mengarut...

sudah agak lama menyepikan diri...besides the fact that saya kini tiada internet connection, i just feel like menghilangkan diri..:D macam ENO halia..pretty much now, my life's routine is just about the same...berfikir-fikir bila mahu menyelesaikan semuanya..what shall i do, where shall i go?i still doubting my own self...if only there's a magic ball where i can forecast my future, bukankah itu lebih mudah?i'm tired of this easy going life though, nothing else to do but to please more and more people with such irrelevant needs...now i think i know why people rather get married than stay for too long with their friends...but i rather if you could just leave me alone for awhile..i'm too tired to laugh.**sigh**

p/s:i'm sorry but i'm not complaining, just......

photo the scene from the glass ball by denss

red bean...

my awkward boyfriend,
he always stand still,
whenever he's waiting for me,
make it on rainy days
or under the hot sun..
he's always will be there..
waiting for me to arrive
with that nervous smile on
his face..

my awkward boyfriend,
whenever he's happy
his smiling eyes
did not hide
the joy of seeing
the clumsy me...

my awkward boyfriend,
never say about his feelings,
it just that,
we'd share our drink
just because
he didn't know
how to say..
that he'd care for me..

my awkward boyfriend,
whenever it's rain..
i keep remembering you..
the calmness that you keep
inside yours,
becoming a warmth
to my nervous heart..

i love whenever you
close you eyes,
cause you'll keep my hand
near to your heart...
"just stay for awhile..."
you'd said each time..
"just for awhile that
i could feel like this
forever..."
that's my awkward boyfriend..

inspired by the song red bean by khalil fong...he's definitely stole my heart today...his voice totally remind me of this ideal type of boyfriend which any girl could wish to have or perhaps it's only me..yeap, i love a guy that could sing with those cute-nervous-humble-voice..it may sounds awkward but that's what makes him cute..:D secara amnya, yang bernyanyi seperti khalil fong..i love his voice,very humble yet soulful...jatuh chenta berkali-kali..itulah perempuan, cepat sangat bermain emosi just because of simple, little things...