Mak Ketam Jalan Senget

ramai orang gembira apabila melihat orang lain tersungkur, disalahkan, dibenci...bukan fitrah tetapi aku rasa ianya terkandung dalam naluri setiap makhluk adam..ditambah dengan bisikan halus dari "hati kecil" manusia mereka...kebanyakkan mereka ini wujud dan tak pernah berjaya ditapis dari kehidupan kita yang ingin hanya untuk meneruskan hidup...orang-orang yang tidak boleh melihat kejayaan dan kebaikan orang lain sebagai satu keuntungan yang positif sebaliknya berterusan berjuang untuk menjatuhkan seseorang yang mungkin sahabat baik, teman serumah, ahli keluarga sendiri...darah kita tak sama merahkah sehingga rasa cemburu itu harus dipuaskan?aku jemu bergaul dan mengenali manusia begini...berpura-pura dan berbohong masih aku maafkan tetapi hipokrasi bukan suatukebanggaan..aku tidak pandai menilai, mungkin selalunya sentiasa dikelabui perasaan sendiri..tetapi dari tutur kata, bahasa tubuh sangat mudah untuk dibaca..jangan cuba bersembunyi kerna setiap perkataan darimu menunjukkan jiwa mu itu...fikirkanlah, apa guna gaya yang gah atau pengetahuan mu yang selaut jika iaseperti air lumpur yang jernih dimata,tapi saat bergelodak selut memalit ke muka...aku jemu sangat merasa semu dengan pertolongan yang aku berikan kepadamu..kerna tingkah mu, niat murniku juga terasa sia-sia kerna terkadang, ikhlas ku seperti dipaksa-paksa...mengertilah, hidup bukan pameran muzium di dalam tingkap-tingkap kaca yang harus sentiasa dikagumi..belajar melihat isinya, dan juga bayanganmu dihadapan kaca...mungkin isinya tak sejelek bayangmu di hadapan mereka...dan sedarilah, seorang yang ikhlas tiada akan pernah merasa payah atau terancam hanya kerna manusia lain...itu hanya mainan perasaan iblis mu semata-mata..dan aku sudah cukup penat,hanya ketawa yang aku mampu hamburkan...

I'm gonna break your little heart

Watch you take the fall

Laughing all the way to the hospital

[Cause] there's nothing surgery can do

When I break your little heart in two

ku dedikasikan hidup dalam tulisan..

a friend made a statement of me about me being like the americans who are obssesed with blogs...i laugh when i heard it as i never came across that...for me, writing in blog as replacement of diary as i'm too lazy to write...being such a tech-savvy makes me becoming more lazy to use manual tools to write..most of the time, i'd be running out of ideas and words whilst looking for note pad and pen...how complicated life is now,ey?back to writing in blogs..many may have and choose their own motive for setting one up...as for me, i always regard it as my own personal place where i am free to express everything that i could not, hardly said in other's faces...and i feel that, it's important for me to at least keep a hobby as human does not evolve through mutation only..aku bukan kodok di bawah tin kosong...but as much i'm writing, i learned about my own style and my own ups and downs...and this things that i've written always make me laughs of silly-dilly things that i've been thru life...at heart, i always think what i've wrote is a mark that i am exist in this world...unheard but seen by others...i don't need attention to the things that i've and about to write but i feel at ease for things that i could express in my own words of world...

photo written by jp fischbein

my great fall?

living a little life, doesn't make you a little person..this world are full of miracles, it takes us to believe that it happen to everybody.and it certainly do; even when we detest such things to happen...i still thinking and it seem this soul-searching of mine will longed in my very curious mind for awhile.in the past, i would always asked myself why such and such events occured to me especially when it came to bad matters..but as much i would blamed the person around me and the situations,it actually would come back to my mind that perhaps, i shall reflected it to myself before i'm pointing to others...as much as i understand this, i did not understand anyone that could not understand my stand or even their's? why they are so protective of the truth and love to stand under someone else's shadows?does armouring yourself with other's word will really save you?after a few great falls, human seem to learn not to repeat the history twice..however by not repeating the same mistake again, they yet are makingthe same mistakes each time...i am broken and shattered but i never let the scars to keep pulling me into the slump...i've paid for my innocent to make me worthy as a human..and if you try to make me repeat about my past, i would gladly say that, i'm lucky to fall now instead of falling later because it makes me realise more that it's not only you that i need but also Him that is holding my sane andsoul...i'm not a quitter as even in the hardest time, i still climbing the cliff eventhough the edge is killing me...maybe today, for things that i am working on seem small to your eyes...but i shall say that it always meant a big things to me..

photo humpty dumpty by tioandria

gundah...

tiada gunanya lagi..setiap sesuatu yang berlaku, pasti ada pengajaran disebaliknya,kan?aku percaya itu dan sentiasa berharap penghujung perjalanan ini tetap akan menghampiri baik buat ku dan juga mereka yang mendampingi dan didampingi....tetaplah disini kerna aku tahu tiada yang lebih mengecewakan saat harus mengharungi ini bersendiri...hidup bukan begitu, saat tawa dan tangis itu adalah untuk dikongsi dan diketahui oleh semua,walau sesekali ia tetap menjadi rahsia...many things happened previously and i seem to stuck at this memory..aku biarkan ia disini dan pasti ia akakn tetap disini...tapi aku sedar ia tidak akan memberikan kebaikan malahan akan buatku lebih "sakit dan lemah."..makanya kini, aku belajar untuk mengenepikan ia seketika kerna aku tahu aku mampu untuk berlari lagi walau kaki masih sukar untuk berpijak diatas duri-duri kehidupan ini...

It's never enough to say I'm sorry

It's never enough to say I care

But I'm caught between what you wanted from me

And knowing that if I give that to you

I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back

No matter what I do you're always mad And I,

I can't change your mind

I know it's like trying to turn away one way street

I can't give you what you want

And it's killing me

hujan...

it feel cold and wet after it rained...i always love the rain because the feeling that its bring together with the weather makes me feel cosy and warm inside...nothing can break me and time seems like standing still...it may sound ordinary but that how it makes me feel..

how do I explain that

I just don't believe in all this

purposely for the world's perception of me
this is only rubbish put eloquently

like all the gothic poetry

kids are writing

from the high school scene

who are YOU?

to understand one's motive, maybe it will never reach to my mind of the reasons.but i just don't understand how a friend could really do a mean,bad things to someone that close to them...should this type of person be respected by his/her friends?aren't you the one who always go crying and whining about how life is always unfair and that you should be tough? i guess, on the surface you can act all you wanted but deep down it never will be that pretty because you still go around expecting people's sympathy...for me, i am started to losing my respect for this type of people...i'm giving you my hand without expecting anything in return, but as much as i tried to put up; it seems like you are wasting the faith that i'm offering...don't pretend to be a victim when you never understand honesty to others and even your own self...how pathetic it is, that you are going around telling lies about others when none of your friends are doing that to you?do you think it will lasts for long and it shall be unknowned to them...?don't you ever think of what others have been telling around about you?if you can't have respect of others please think of their pride...i think you are just afraid of all people that outshined you when it is only you that have the type of thought.and i still wondering until when will you put up to this drama of yours.. don't you feel guilty or at least regret about the lies that you have throwed around about your so called friends?does it really make you great when they are below your level when you are never the same level as they are?it is better to be on the ground as we can keep our head up and be proud with our's integrity when you have none because you're just too high..."hidup tak selamanya indah"

photo viande froide by arrtirritant