Women In The Sun

This entry is dedicated to people that already watch the drama...i did not followed it from the beginning,however as i started to watch it, i could see that we were bonding through the emotions...it was a gooddrama and i love the fact that it makes me love my little sister more...how could i forget about her evenwhen there is time that i wish that she would dissapear from this world...in fact, i am not much a personthat would actually show my loving and care directly to the person that i fond of.. i tend to do it secretly or quietly only say it in my heart...i am really vain on the surface because i always believe that if i showslight of it, it would be my weaknesses and people always betray you with your own weaknesses..and i really feelsorry for Dou Yong because she is the kind of girl who could do anything just to ensure that the love would neverleave her...but i believe that you could not maintain one's love by yourself,it would be painful in the end...she'scrying over her joy, fearing that she would lost it someday..and she's true when her little sister came in..so muchthat she felt happy to have a companion to share their parent's love and joy, she'd be abandoned from their mom's love...and how sad a child's heart could be when the mother ignored her?and i feel like i could die if my mother does that too...and having a little sister means a rough time because, they would be they cherry on top of the cake, the cherub of all sweetheart...and to blame one small things on them seem really heartless of the older siblings...
Women in the sun, what does that convey to me? i kept thinking the relation between the title and the story...but as it goes on,i concluded thatit tells me that a person may have a bright and beautiful life, but on the inside their heart are burning with the desire andguilt that have been troubling them ever since...and this drama really shows me that love could came in every way and from anyone...some give up their loves to give live to others...others chasing for love just to be secured...and strangers could come to be someoneimportant in our life at anytime...and people that we hate could actually come to be people that we need in our life...but upmost,i believe i love my sister,mother and my family even more because their love are more important to me in life...friends could only besorry for every circumstances that happen in our life even when they spend their entire lifetime with you...that may seem to understand butthey would not understand it with the love and bond as family does...

Fighting!!!

Permulaan yang agak lambat but i have been thinking about shifting to a new blog since last year. Banyak yang difikirkan tetapi tidak tertulis dalam perkataan ataupun ayat. Just picturing everything inside my head…but this time around, I just wanted to change myself and my life. Terlalu banyak perkara yang terjadi dan terlalu banyak untuk difahami. Bermula dengan diri saya sendiri.

2009
Setahun lagi berlalu but I still feel the same. Same as when I was still 17 years old. Truthfully, I did not feel old or changed. I guess that what makes people around me wonder if I ever have common sense because I go freely as I wish. But being free as I am now, it is not easy. Deep down, I keep everything inside and just pretend to be cool. I maybe talking bluntly and happily to others but the sorrow that I felt, I just keep it inside me. How can I go whining about my misfortunes when it does not kill me? He may want me to appreciate my life better by doing so. Along with the obstacles that I have experienced, I learned to be stronger, to be more cautious and to accept that perfection really does not exist in this world. I tend to look for perfection in people’s behaviour especially. It frustrates me when a person failed to meet my level but now, I wonder too, do I fit into their levels? And that is the first thing I want to let go because I realized that for a few years back, as I keep this thought in myself, it caused me to lose a few good friends. I did not regret that I am losing it but I regret that I did not do anything to keep this friendship to be stronger. Instead, I just end everything without any hesitation.
Matter of love also has been raised from many close friends to me. And witnessing such good friends tying the knot really touches my heart. I wish for such a fairytales ending too but as I learn about what I want in life, marriage seems far from my goals. Maybe in 5 years or maybe I’ll wait forever. I did not know, not that I am confused, just…but, in reality, I still envy people that able to be with the person they like and to be in love. I am jealous of that but I decided that it just not the right time for me now. And I don’t want to be in a long distance relationship because I change too fast. Even though I said it’s ok to be far from each other, but being apart each day; it is tiring and frustrating. So, to be or not to be? I have decided that I will be in love with the company of everyone around me for the moment.
Matter of life? I will never know how it will end but there’s always a door for me to create the ending or to explore what is behind every door. Have I taking all the chances? Frankly, it still seems vague to me but, as I have been talking to many good people with much more experiences, I started to take their advices. It’s never too late but I have to realize that to be able to achieve any goal, I should have a good strategy. And now, I am looking for the best strategy to execute my plan. That is my main concern now; do I have enough passion and courage to do so? Will I succeed? This is the beginning, for changes because each delay in my life do come from my lack of consciousness and lack of reality. I do exist and I do feel and this is my new beginning which I wish will not disappoint anyone anymore.