dirty little secret.....

gossip could spread really fast..

unlike flu virus, it can be more dangerous as it is unseen...

plus, it is more contagious and epidemic

to many human beings...

perhaps i tried to sounds like  the gossip girl, but anyone would agree,ey? we all do love gossips especially dirty laundries that someone we hate are make known to us...and if those things that we hear could pull them down, it is even better...i heard to much today, that it makes me feel more to laugh than taking part...dear friends and family, i am done with hating...it does not bring me any good...but it does not mean that i did not care,it just mean that i don't give them a d*mn...why? because i've seen more damages because of what people assumed and tell behind my back...and i didn't see any good things happened to them...all i can see, when people LIE about another person, they becoming worst than the person...so, don't pass your judgment way too easy if in your heart, you still have doubt about the person...even if you've seen they do the the things that ain't appropriate or behave differently, talk to others in the best manner but don't tell lies...are you sure that people are not talking about you as bad as you are talking about others?and the world is not as big as it has been before, it's unbounded by nothing,in case you don't realize it...forgiveness is too common, anyone could say it but no one could really meant it.and sometimes human don't understand or try not to understand how apology works, where as; no wonder the Quran always encourage us to seek for taubah from Him before humans..to be frank,to all known stories about people,make it friends or families....sometimes if it's too bad; just to look at you make me sick...

____________________________________________________________________

SALAM EID ADHA

"Let's all sacrifices our aqal and strength to the right channels

where our deeds are reward with goodness from Him"

dari aku yang masih berkelana

25th years on 25th

nothing feel much better than celebrating my precious moments with people that i love and care for me...it's been 25 years, and alhamdulillah with His will, i am still here..creating a new story of my life..i keep thinking but i can't find anything to write...i just feel happy and blessed that goodness still come in my ways..whenever i feel down and weak, somehow i found my pieces of strength in between the obstacles...i can not stop myself from smiling or laughing just because i don't feel like i deserve it,even when i feel so much in misery; but memories keeps me alive and happy...i realize that i've never been a better person, but i try my best to learn how to be a wise person each time...maybe my words before, used to hurt many people, sometimes i just talk out of my sense of insecurity or ignorance...i am sorry, i don't mean to hurt anyone but i supposed that's the way i am before...now, as i am getting to my 25 years of age...i wish to be a person that not only thinking about me but a person that you could rely and lean on...i'll try harder and i wish you would help me too....thanks for all the wishes...even without all of your presence, i felt like i am celebrating it with a huge party...:D

hari ini (21.11.'09) adalah yang paling penat tapi i guessed i never really enjoy melaka like i did yesterday...we started our little-unplanned-trip to jusco for brunch and sightseeing before my sis headed to MITC for checked in at Ancasa Hotel...it was raining heavily and everything went wet...but nothing really could stopped us from having our fun outing...but i supposed, with sun up there, the pictures would turn out to be great...but somewhat it was great pictures that we have...after finished eating and settled down, we headed to the main destination which is Dataran Pahlawan, Mahkota Parade n Jonker St(*again!).got a few stuff to pick here and there...the trip was awesome, i love Jonker now better..we got a chance to meet a lot of new and interesting people..we rode on the trishaws and our's was the coolest one as the "pakcik" got us the old and dondang songs whilst riding us around the places...suddenly i felt like miss universe amongst the crowd that are busily walking around...so much fun when they started to notice our loud & happening trishaw and a guy a.k.a abang tak dikenali was dancing joget lambak, following the rythm of the song...along the way, we took a few good shots with uri  "new aegi" EO5 1000D...(**but frankly, i don't find any differences between a DSLR and digital camera, rather, a good eyes would define better than a lense of camera...)then another photo session at the Gate of A'Famosa where lotsa people are creeping here and there taking photos too...whilst photo-ing the whole thing, we started our climbing-trip up to the top of Bukit St. Paul where an old church used to be...(*i admit that my history is getting worn out, but i guess the fact is correct).it was soo tiring but it worth all the might that we have wasted as sunset really get us into the mood of nostalgic and patriotic(**hahah)...went down and we continued it with a trip into the Melaka's Museum...it's not that huge but contained a lot of wonders especially for me..the design of the building is also very simple but seem attractive to me...we went from room to room,from the day the Malay sultanate period to the wars with the Westerners and back again to the glorious days of the Malay heroism....after that,back to Jonker and yesterday, people seem to flush away from every side of the corners...too many people and too much to see along too much of heat that i feel like stop and sleep at the sideway..then we met this old uncle that really talented in playing the violin..so happy to see someone that is so alive as him...and he kept singing the we are the world song...i guess, it's a way he wants people to listen to his heart...as he was so kind to let us hold his violin and pretending to play it, i didn't let the chances passed and took as many photo that i can...everything is so authentic yesterday, i feel blessed that i got this chance to learn more...by more, i hope that i could learn more on night lighting and it's composition so that i could develop more great pictures during the night times...aja-aja,fighting!

anis di atas tembok

kami di parking lot dataran pahlawan..:D

pemandangan dari atas, paras-paras kaki langit...

generasi ke-2 & ke-3 sukri's family..

fin!

sandaran hati...

semalam dan juga hari ini, aku belajar banyak perkara baru tentang ertinya menjadi manusia yang benar-benar sabar dan bagaimana untuk mengerti serta menjadi ikhlas...walau se-bebas mana aku membiarkan diri untuk berfikir dan menilai, prejudis masih tetap menebal dijiwa aku..maka aku simpulkan bahawa aku masih tetap orang yang tidak benar...i feel sorry for myself, for being just another selfish being when friends and families need me...benar, kita tak mungkin memuaskan hati semua pihak,tetapi setidaknya aku berusaha untuk memenuhi sedikit sebanyak permintaan dari mereka semua...kenyataannya aku tetap melakukan kesilapan...sebanyak mungkin aku mencuba tetapi terkadang aku tidak mengikhlaskan hati aku untuk melakukan ia....dan setiap kali aku memikirkan, aku akan merasa kesal....tetapi cukupkah sekadar dengan perkataan maaf?adakah ia bakal mengembalikan kegembiraan mereka yang pernah aku gagalkan?dalam setiap perjalanan aku hanya melihat kekurangan yang lain, tidak sesekali merefleksikan kekurangan pada diri ini...aku merasa kecil setiap kali memikirkan ia....makanya hari ini, ingin kukatakan buat setiap kalinya..maafkan aku kerna menjadi aku!

mengertilah...

bersahabat atau mempunyai hubungan bukanlah sesuatu perkara yang mudah...tiada perhubungan yang bakalan kukuh jika tujuannya hanya untuk meraih keuntungan dari sebelah pihak...perhubungan adalah untuk menerima dan memberi;tidak hanya materi tetapi juga rohani...namun, manusia punya banyak kelemahan terutamanya pabila berhubung...kala tidak memahami, kita sering mengambil jalan mudah kepada teman dengan berbohong, menuturkan apa yang ingin dia dengari atau hanya sekadar berdiam...seorang teman yang jujur adalah orang yang redha menerima kritikan, nasihat dan teguran dari "teman-teman baiknya"..kerna dari sudut sang pemerhati, mungkin cara dan tingkah kita ada kurangnya dan sang penutur hanya ingin membantu kita untuk berjalan dengan lebih teguh...dan sebagai seorang yang memerhati dan menegur, tiada niat selain dengan ikhlas menginginkan kebaikan buat temannya...tidak payah untuk berubah tetapi jika diri terlalu ego untuk menaakul dan menerima, setiap yang berharap pasti merasa penat diakhirnya..jangan disia-siakan persahabatan hanya kerna merasakan ini adalah caramu...pernahkah kau terfikir, selainmu; ada juga orang disekelilingmu dengan pelbagai cara mereka sendiri...?berhentilah seketika dan dengarilah mereka kerna kau mungkin tidak sedar tetapi kadang-kala mereka juga memerlukan kamu untuk menggalas beban yang kau sendiri letakkan...seorang teman yang sanggup berkongsi bebanan maka dialah sahabat yang jujur dan benar...selayaknya dipanggil teman baik. bukan seseorang yang hanya berkata; ya, aku bersamamu tetapi tidak pernah hadir kala kamu membutuhkan dia...turut serta walau untuk perkara sekecil zarah..

photo wait awhile by andyp89

cold,cold day...

masih lagi jaga dan terus memerah usaha untuk menyudahkan assignment system.jari-jari aku tetap usahakan agar tetap punya idea untuk terus mengetik isi kepada laporan...just wondering why it keeps raining eventhough the obvious answer is actually in front of me..musim tengkujuh, takkan nak panas plak kan?but cold weather is my enemy sebab cuaca sejuk buat aku jadi polar bear yang kelaparan....setiap detik berjalan sambil kaki turut rancak ke dapur membikin apa yang terselera pada tekak...tapi yang paling popular tika ini adalah mushroom goreng.diikuti dengan sandwich tuna,biskut-biskutan dan pelbagai jenis air...tapi bagi aku cukuplah dengan kopi...hidup tanpa kopi bak jiwa tanpa cinta..bagi aku, kalau tidak minum kopi aku akan menjadi sangat haus sehinggakan air mineral pun boleh rasa macam pasir...pelik sebab aku bukan kaki kafein tapi sejak berjinak-jinak dengan cafe hopping, aku jadi gila kopi...bagi aku, kopi itu unik kerna dalam hitam, aku melihat putih...dalam pahit, aku merasa kemanisan...tapi yang paling mencabik-cabik jiwaku adalah aroma yang terhasil...sangat-sangat misteri tetapi terasa dekat dengan diri...bagai ada mistik disebalik kabus-kabus yang mengaburi logik...dan aku adalah orang yang imun dengan kopi, tidak terkakis dengan kandungannya...tidurku tetap berjalan seperti biasa kecuali hari-hari pabila kerjaku mulai bercambah atau saat insomnia mula bertapak di otak..aku tak bisa tidur lagi...

photo winter rose by littlemewhatever

lomo-life!!!

last night, i am stumbled upon one great product which i never thought would exist...nothing interest me more other than cameras..was browsing around to find the best camera dari normal digital kepada DSLR to analog camera...but this lomo camera really excites me...as far as i am concern, lomo range of camera are film-based cameras....but, i don't really care as i prefer something that i could develop later rather than digitally uploading it and edit....i like to explore but film camera really interesting.. because it has limitations to things that we could do but never stop our imaginations on creating the atmosphere that we would want it to turn out to be...so currently eyeing on a few model but i want to confirm on place to get it and the price...i've checked the Lomo Diana Mini and the price is quite reasonable...so next step, want to confirm on the film, the price for it and where to get and develop it...if it's not available, i suppose i have to open back my ol' picture lab..:D other than that, they also have very unique range like Lomo Pop 9 where it produces pictures the way Andy Warhol's pop art images...interesting as it is from camera..to add to the peculiar addition is Holga 35mm,120mm that produces very interesting pictures...

photo Diana + MEG Edition by lomography.com

photo with Holga 35mm

maunya apa lagi?

as much as i told myself that this would go away; very much i am disturb by the thought of you...as much i try not to care, every feeling that you might feel; i keep thinking..are you happy? are you sad? are you will be ok?did anyone hurt you today?did anyone smile to you today? or perhaps did you ever smile genuinely like you always do, if you ever?i am not sure what's the truth, it is not that i don't believe you but every silence that you try to make...tore the believe that i've kept...it's not plain white lie anymore, it hurts me each time...and i won't explain this because you should have know better...there's no secret, this is out of sincerity...

maybe,maybe,maybe..perhaps...

sudah lelah berlari, kini aku mahu berhenti mengejar...takkan ada ruginya kan bila kau sendiri tak lagi mengerti...atau buat-buat tak reti?jangan ditunggu bulan yang takkan jatuh,itu kata-kata kau...mungkin pernah aku berharap bulan itu untuk jatuh,walau untuk sesaat...tetapi tetap kau diam, tak mahu lagi berbicara...terlalu payahkah atau kau sendiri sudah tak mahu lagi mengerti?mungkin waktu terlalu cemburu atau percaya tak lagi kukuh dalam jiwa-jiwa kita...mungkin aku yang salah atau mungkin kau terlalu mudah..aku tak tahu, tapi aku juga punya rasa untuk dimengerti...tak pernah aku merasa lelah untuk berlari bersamamu tapi penat saat kau lebih banyak tersasar dari landasan mu...persetan, aku tak mahu lagi menunggu bulan itu untuk jatuh!

photo ambilkan bulan by selamatidur

jalan-jalan hidupku...

hari-hari yang lembab kerna hujan tidak berhenti-henti menyimbah bumi...pas banget nih...syok tidur but boredom really kills me...so lepas berkira-kira untuk tak keluar,aku gagahkan juga diri untuk berjalan-jalan sambil membeli groceries.naik bas, antara perkara yang aku paling suka buat...anyway, i'm not a friendly-car type...and by taking bus, aku dapat tengok tempat-tempat baru, pemandangan-pemandangan lama juga dapat ber"kenalan" dengan karekter-karekter baru di sekeliling aku...bukannya nak berjimat sangat tapi bila naik bas,automatically otak aku jadi lebih clear dan aman,maybe sebab perjalanan-perjalanan yang panjang beri aku peluang yang banyak untuk berfikir tentang kelebihan yang telah Tuhan berikan kepada aku...juga untuk berdiam sejenak sambil belajar tentang kepayahan yang dihadapi oleh setiap orang yang naik dan turun dari bas...well, life is like that,ey?dan jarang-jarang kita tengok "orang-orang penting" naik bas,yang biasa cuma buruh-buruh, makcik-makcik cleaner ,adik-adik sekolah dan abang/kakak kilang yang terdiri daripada pelbagai bangsa...kalau manusia dinasihatkan ke rumah sakit atau ke kubur untuk melihat penderitaan,for me; inside the bus itself ada banyak cerita suka-duka, pahit-manis...aku pernah jumpa satu keluarga yang ramai anak kecil naik bas.si ibu juga mendukung seorang baby kecil,maybe nak ke hospital..hati rasa sangat sayu sebab anak-anak kecil ini begitu memahami dan tak langsung merengek.semua naik dan pilih tempat duduk...kalau adik aku, ke sekolah yang tak jauh mana pun mesti berkereta, tak mahu naik motor...malu katanya..juga seorang atuk cina yang sangat tua,mengutip tin dan plastik untuk menyara hidup...tak larat lagi mengayuh basikal, dia bergerak dengan bas..tapi walau sesusah mana hidup mereka, wajah mereka tetap tenang masih sempat melontar nasihat-nasihat manis buat pemuda-pemuda seperti aku.dengan ayah aku pun jarang-jarang dapat kata-kata hikmah.. it's all about ups and downs, but do we ever think if our less fortunate experiences could match anyone?mungkin ia tak sama dan tak mungkin pernah sama tetapi aku selalu ingat bahwa tiada kepayahan yang Tuhan berikan kepada aku yang bisa buat aku mati...orang lain merasa yang lebih teruk....jadi itulah jawapannya kenapa aku suka naik bas..lebih aman untuk belajar tentang "haiwan sosial" yang dikurniakan aqal lebih atau kurang...

memang sangap!!!

dan saya tak bisa untuk melelapkan mata kerna bimbang terlepas subuh..juga kerna gara-gara nawal yang tak abeh-abeh dengan haram-halal citarasa orient tentang hukum dunia dan kewajipan..nampak je cam cool, dalam hati membara nak jerit,"yang, i bukan ustazah ok..." tapi bile dikenangkan si debs ni might just want to know as in being curious; ku turutkan soalan-soalan yang diajukan..makin lama makin mengarut tapi lantaklah, janji kau faham....dan hati ini menjadi redha dengan ketentuan Ilahi bahwa aku tak hidup bersendiri dan kadang-kala untuk mengerti tentang diri dan mereka disekeliling, aku harus "invest" masa agar tiada pertelingkahan kelak...sudah jemu dan muak dengan assumptions..kita tak boleh selalu bercakap, seketika kita harus mendengar...detik-detik terus berjalan, maka waktu tidur aku juga dah terganggu... jadi dalam keterpaksaan, memerah otak yang sudah kering untuk siapkan report system & analysis design tapi otak tetap buntu cam iceberg kat laut artik...syok btol tengok cik debs aka nawal tidur tapi cemburu tinggal cemburu sebab  azan sudah berkumandang, maka saatnya aku tinggalkan lappy sayang untuk solat...

p/s: memang tak puas ati, perlukah mouse ku "mati" di time-time aku perlu harvest tanaman kat farmville?TIDAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

the box...

movie yang sungguh menggelirukan..nak kata masterpiece tak sangat but as expected from previous Donnie Darko , movie ini menambah sakit kepala.....but i supposed Donnie Darko is much better than The Box...and if you are not a fan of crazy-maze-stuck movie, this is not a good movie to watch...deep and analytical thinking are required for you to accept the message of this movie...banyak yang aku fikirkan and i am attracted to a few lines from the movie...one that i would always remember (for the time being),is about how human and our life is actually surrounded always by a box..."we live in a box, our house is a box...our car is a box with wheel, we go and come back with it...our body is a box and weak because we don't really realize it"...something like that;(**dengan sedikit tambahan dari aku....)

apa yang arlington steward cakap, aku rasa memang betul...sebab blog aku pon ada kotak.i believe in limitations surround me,i can't live without lines...dan kotak-kotak ini wujud dalam pelbagai bentuk;secara fizikal dan emotional...bagaimana kita menyedarinya, bergantung kepada kebijaksaan diri.tetapi kotak-kotak dalam kehidupan kita sebenarnya could be the extra baggages that will burden us for life...dan kadang-kala keputusan yang kita buat untuk "kita"(including people that rely on us), the consequences will haunt us in the future...memilih untuk tidak mempunyai kotak yang mengawal hidup kadang-kala adalah jalan penyelamat...terlalu tertutup buat aqal manusia jadi dangkal,keterbukaan buat manusia alpa dan mabuk dengan kebebasan...jadi dimana letak kehidupan yang bisa buat kita benar-benar bebas?

tiada...

like what jean paul sartre wrote in his novel; there is only 2 choices to escape...freedom or no freedom. 

feel like making sunshine

was looking for nothing..not looking forward for anything, did i? i feel blank because i don't really thought of anything...yesterday's weather was awesome and it's still continue until now...i feel cold but warm inside..listening to clazziquai makes my moments worth a breaks...yes, i can't move without sounds around me..as much as oxygen helps me breathe, my God makes me feel, music keeps my mind at ease...

photo listen to this by kawaiistelzkie

foolish senses....

almost instantly, virtual world does change a person into an unknown species....i'm gladly welcomed its existance into my world which is already mute and dull...perhaps, it may brings many joys and hectic experience to a boring person like me(**naah,i'm not lonely just wanna be alone:D)everyone becoming an early birds of their own bed tonite when sleeping is not much participated for the last 2 weeks...selain itu, nothing much to write..just try to gather my knowledge and expertise in surfing the net...once, it used to be addictive to me but now, i can't even lasts 30 mins on the internet...everything are not that fun anymore...should i continue my study? oh yes, our house just got our wireless internet after a very long waits and tragedies...hopefully everything will went well and cool....:D

photo computer by deviant

menonton hujan bersama hujan petang...

well, sesuatu yang terjangka...i've been longing to go out and listening to live music...hujan was awesome today with some other opening acts mereka...i don't really get their band's names sebab saat aku melangkah join mereka, jam sudah berpusing sepusingan selepas waktu permulaan...but it's all worth the risks leaving nawal shopping alone.thanks to aimi for so nice to bring and join my spontaneuos acts of boredom...sempat juga melayan telinga dan perasaan dengan beberapa buah lagu such as amoi chantek, pagi yang gelap, lonely soldier boy, aku scandal, obsesi and many others...keletah mereka makes the show very much sweet and simple and funny...thanks a lot hujan, for making my boring evening very exciting di taman buaya..:D

HUJAN: Mencari Konklusi Tour = awesome!

insomnia...

i can't help myself
to fall asleep,
under this dark skies
and cold breeze of midnight,
wind breaks the summer's arrogant
into a divine of slumber...

it's seems that i've
forgotten the taste
of deep and sweet
dreams that once,
i've been waiting
to lose myself into....

night after night,
how relentless
the state of my
thoughts and soul,
the energy still
is running thru
my veins and blood...
nothing seem to stop,
not even for a second....

and as the sun is rising,
the light that is bright,
become the enemy that
my body would not
dare to fight...
weak will be, i am...
but this eyes seem
to shut with my
tired heart...

lost in the heat of neverland.

teruskanlah...

i am envious of someone now..various thoughts dancing around my mind...maybe and maybe not, i don't know what to believe at this very moments...i wish i may let go, but somehow it feels so heavy to lifts my foots and walk away..i just don't have the courage to do so...

Coba tenang seketika
Coba pejam mata
Biar resah hilang saja
Dan coba diam yang bicara
Sediam bersama
Ditemani jasad kita

Kan ku cari konklusi

elements of life?

i did not have anything to write about today...
been reading (finally) a magazine which used to be
last month mag...(me = hopeless!)
that's my achievement for today...
but a few broken links to very much fashion's sites excite my senses...
it's not only fashion; it is a bit of knick-knacks of high fashion...(& i'm love with the sights!)
i am not an excessive ethusiasm of trends follower but looking
at something pretty makes me wonder
how dress could really impress...
thefin

freedom writer

photo freedom writers by freedom writers movie

i want to be a writer; i always know that however not talented i am...i could always escape with writing..however my world seems to stuck and dull, i would write about how it has been or even when people does not care to read about it, i still feel good that i have written something.watching freedomwriters, it inspires me...i feel sorry that i am too ignorant of the reality of life...most of the time,i only realise about my hardships, betrayals and problems that i've always encounter with friends, family and even myself...i rarely think of other's feeling when the are facing the same burdens as mine,in facts their's are more hard than what i've been dealing with...people that are younger than me suffers more than what i could have understood and experienced for the past 24 years of living in this world...and the elders that have surpassed me, greet this world with a bless for another sunshine after a long strained of tears and blood from their previous life and missing pieces of happiness...as i went through along with the movie, i keep thinkingabout my parents...how can a child deny the fact that their parents is their heroes?thinking and recalling everythings that they have do and give to me, i am amaze that i never hear one single sigh from them...there's no end in raising a person and not only a child... they've given me more than love and money, a thing that a human could not see but feel through their heart and aqal.i am blessed that my parents never given up on me...and i hope i would always have the chances and period to keep my promises realised for them...it maybe the littlest things that i could afford to do but i would love to letthem know that i care...and every words that i've telling them, someday it would be more than just a saying...striving for success and repay everythingthat my parents have given is not the only dream that i've set for me...people besides me have inspired me to think globally about the strangers around me.they are not strangers if we stop and listen to their stories.yes, maybe it sounds weird to do so. but i always think, that people we are living togethernow, once have been a stranger to our eyes...what makes us difference even when we have differences?are we really entitled to judge whenever the "first impression is important" policy came in action?i would like to agree with the impression thing before but now, actions is more important than what an impression would convey about an individual on the first sight.judgement raise assumption,whenever a person assumes, it would never turn pretty...human'sheart are full of tricks and lust but a pure heart of gold would never deny another's person chances and dignity differently.i may not be a perfect humanbeing, faraway to reach a Nobel Prize but i would love to care about this world and humanity as part of my living affairs...i may walk silently in front ofcrying child but in my heart, i would pray that He'll look after him...and if i have a might to lift a weak old woman, i would do so even when she refuse witha smile..i want to learn about their sufferings and happiness...teach me to be sincere and never back off of kindness...